Planned Parenthood of San Diego and Riverside Counties: Parent Education

Parent Education
Education & Training > Parent Education

Planned Parenthood believes that parents should be their children’s primary sexuality educators. Parents know their own children better than anyone else and children need to have discussions about sexuality in the context of their family’s values. Studies also confirm that children want their parents to talk with them about sexuality. “Youth often say that they want to discuss sex, relationships, and sexual health with their parents. Parents are their preferred source of information on these subjects.” (Hacker KA et al, 2000. Kirby, D. Emerging Answers: Research Findings on Programs to Reduce Teen Pregnancy.)

We also recognize that talking with our children about sex and sexuality can be a difficult task. Many parents themselves never had the opportunity to discuss these topics openly with their parents so they have no role-models when it comes to talking with their own children about sexuality. Other parents may fear that discussing these issues with their children will only increase their child’s curiosity and lead to more sexualized behavior.

In reality, not talking with your children about sexuality can lead to higher risk taking when it comes to sex. Forty-six percent of males and 47% of females ages 15-19 have already begun having sex. “Research shows that youth with the least accurate information about sexuality and sexual risk behaviors may experiment more and at earlier ages compared to youth who have more information.” (Kirby Doug., 2002) Ideally, we should begin sexuality discussions before they reach these ages so we can develop a foundation of trust. This will allow conversations about sex to continue throughout adolescence. Remember when a child is old enough to ask the questions they are old enough to know the answers and the correct terminology.

The “teachable moment” is a simple way to engage in a non-threatening conversation with your child. These are moments that happen everyday. A neighbor who is pregnant, a commercial on TV or an event that happened in school, are all great ways to start a dialogue with your child about sexuality. Who knows, you may actually find out just what is going on in your child’s head.

Tips for Talks

Be clear about your values. Before you begin speaking with your child think about what your values are. What do you believe about teens having sex, what does your faith community believe. You need to be clear about how you feel so you can convey your values to your child.

Talk about facts vs. beliefs. Facts may sometimes contradict your own values. It’s okay to discuss the factual information about something and also convey to your child your values about this. Always give an honest and direct answer to your child’s question. Letting your child know that people have different views, values and opinions about something is always a positive thing.

Don’t worry if you don’t have all the answers. “I don’t know” is a perfectly acceptable answer to a child’s question. Responding with “let’s find out together” is a way to promote a discussion.

Do not assume that because your child is asking questions, she/he is engaging in sexual activity. Children are naturally curious. They may have questions because they have heard or seen something that is confusing to them. Sexual images are everywhere; on T.V., on billboards, in magazines and on the internet. It’s a good sign that they are asking you.

Practice what you preach… It can be confusing for young people to hear one thing about sexuality and then see an adult act in a way that does not support this. Acting on your values and being a good role model are powerful messages for your child.

…But don’t preach. A conversation is a two-way dialogue. Don’t talk at your child. Some of the best information about what is going on with your child’s life comes from keeping quiet and listening.

Encourage a sense of pride. All children deserved to be loved and wanted. Let them know you are interested in them as people. You want to know what they think and how they feel.

Keep the conversation going. Talking with your child about sexuality is an ongoing process. It is not a single event. It is important to start the conversation early and to let your child know that you are always willing to talk with them.

Keep your sense of humor! Letting your child know that sexuality is a natural, normal part of life is a powerful message. As you become your child’s primary sexuality educator don’t be surprised when your child asks you a question about sex in the line at the grocery store!

Planned Parenthood can help you become your child’s primary sexuality educator. We can come to your PTO meetings, your religious settings or your office to provide classes on becoming an “askable parent.” Below is a list of books and materials to assist you. You can also contact the Education and Training department at 619-881-4525.

Resources

All about Sex: A family Resource on Sex and Sexuality. Our comprehensive resource will help families establish positive sexual values and encourage responsible sexual behaviors. Including a glossary and an extensive resource section and reading list. Contact: Planned Parenthood Federation of America Inc., 810 Seventh Avenue, New York NY 10019 Tel: 800-669-1056. Web: http://www.ppfa.org/

The Facts of Life: A Guide for Teens and Their Families. This popular booklet offers parents of pre-teens and teens all the information they’ll need to discuss sex and sexuality in a comfortable and accurate way. In addition to basic information, this booklet provides explanations of Boys’ and girls’ sexual feelings and anatomical growth, reproductive systems, masturbation, menstruation, sexual orientation, pregnancy, birth control, and STI’s. Also includes information about relationships when they’re good for you, when they’re not, and how to handle a breakup. Contact: Planned Parenthood Federation of America Inc., 810 Seventh Avenue, New York NY 10019 Tel: 800-669-1056. Web: http://www.ppfa.org/

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Available on most bookstores, this book walk parents through a wide range of typical talks with kids, while at the same time encourage them to listen fully to what their children are saying. Contact: Avon Books, 1350 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10019. Tel: 800-669-1056. Web: http://www.ppfa.org/

Human Sexuality: What Children Should Know and When They Should Know It. This pamphlet takes the mystery out of “What to say?” It aides parents to ensure that children receive sexuality education information this is complete and age-appropriate. Our helpful guide looks at the information needs of children including toddlers, grade schoolchildren, younger adolescents, and older teens - and explains what children at each stage need to know about human sexuality and their own sexual development. Contact: Planned Parenthood Federation of America Inc., 810 Seventh Avenue, New York NY 10019 Tel: 800-669-1056. Web: http://www.ppfa.org/

Talking About Sex: A Guide for Families. This video and companion kit for families with children ages 10 to 14 contains factual information and discussion guides about such topics as anatomy, puberty, contraception, teen pregnancy, STI’s, and HIV/AIDS. Cost: 29.95 (plus shipping and handling). Contact: Planned Parenthood Federation of America Inc., 810 Seventh Avenue, New York NY 10019 Tel: 800-669-1056. Web: http://www.ppfa.org/

Becoming an Askable Parent. This guide instructs parents on what children are experiencing at different ages (from birth to 16) to help them answer questions that both they and their children might have. It also presents typical situations in which parents find themselves as their children become curious about sex. Contact: American Social Health Association, P.O. Box 13827, Research Triangle Park, NC 27709-3827. Tel: 800-783-9877. Web: http://www.ashastd.org/

First Comes Love: All About The Birds And The Bees - And Alligators, Possums, And People Too, by Jennifer Parmelee. Available at most bookstores, “First Comes Love is a charming book for young children about love, sexuality and relationships, and a wonderful introduction for parents to begin talking with their children about sexuality. The delightful rhymes and illustrations normalize the subject and create a comfortable context for parents and young children to begin this all-important conversation.” Michael McGee, Vice Present of Education, Planned Parenthood Federation of America. Contact Workman Publishing, 708 Broadway, New York, NY10003. Tel: 800-722-7202 ext.7593

It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, and Sex & Sexual Health, by Robie H. Harris. Available at most bookstores, this wonderfully illustrated book provides accurate, unbiased answers to nearly every conceivable question, for contraception and puberty, to birth control and AIDS. It’s Perfectly Normal offers young people the real information they need to know now more than ever to make responsible decisions and to stay healthy. Contact: Candlewick Press, 2067 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA 02140

Now What Do I Do? How to Give your Pre-Teen your Messages. This booklet helps parents of 10 to 12 year-old children communicate about teen pregnancy, contraception, self-esteem, media influences, unwanted sexual attention, and homosexuality. A sister publication, Oh No! What Do I Do Now? (Also available in Spanish), helps parents communicate their values about sexuality to their children. Contact: Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, 130 West 42nd Street, Suite 350, New York, NY 10036-7802. Tel: 212-819-9770. Web: http://www.siecus.org/

Open Up, listen Up! Produced by Advocates for Youth for “Let’s Talk Month” (every October). This guide covers how to talk about STD’s HIV/AIDS, teen pregnancy, and positive educational television viewing. The guide offers messages about both sexual abstinence and contraception and is available in teen and pre-teen versions. Contact: Advocates For Youth, 1025 Vermont Avenue, NW, Suite 2100, Washington, DC 20005 Tel: 202-347-5700. Web: http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/

Talking With Your Child About Sex, by Mary S. Calderone and James W. Ramey. Available in most bookstores, Talking With Your Child About Sex offers answers to questions children of different ages ask about sex. Contact: Ballantine Books, 201 East 50th Street, New York, NY 10022.

The What’s Happening To My Body? Book For Girls, by Lynda Madaras. Available at most bookstores, this book is a growing up guide for parents and daughters. It allows parents to help a young girl handle her transition to womanhood. She also offers The What’s Happening To my Body? Book For Boys. It is a newly revised edition to that includes information on AIDS, STI’s, and birth control appropriate for this age. Contact: Newmarket Press, New York, 18 East 48th Street, New York, NY 10017. Tel: 212-832-3575.